Dogs’ disgusting deeds

Wilson standing in puddle

At the time of writing, mum has just returned from checking on auntie C’s dogs only to be greeted with a giant pile of poo on the carpet and a stench in the air.

She cleaned it up of course, only for the culprit to deposit another slop of it once she left, as a special treat for auntie C when she got in from work.

Note that upon being WhatsApp’d about the bum-related shenanigans uncle J announced: “That’s me taking the long way home!”

Anyway, it got mum to thinking about the disgusting deeds that us doggos (and one feline) get ourselves into. Nothing if not highbrow, this dog blog.

Here are a few choice memories from over the years…

Wilson's body in profile

Despite this charming post dealing mainly with bodily functions, all the photos are of me looking fabulous


Tess was an English bull terrier (otherwise known as Tessie Pig-Dog) when mum was a teenager. Mum remembers Tess spent days trying to veer into a particular spot in the road on her walks until on one occasion…success!

She managed to grab a rotting squashed hedgehog and down some of it. Mum has memories of her dad (grandad to me today) exclaiming: “Jesus Christ!” and trying to fish it out of her jaws. As anyone knows, the jaws of an English bull terrier are quite strong so he had limited success in that regard.

End result: Upset stomach.

In an unrelated episode, a teenage mum walked into the living room barefoot only to screech with quite some verve. She had trodden straight into some sick evacuated from Tess’s stomach only moments before. She can attest that warm canine vomit on bare flesh is not a sensation that she cares to experience twice.

End result: Lifelong hatred of vomit. And being vary wary of stepping through that doorway again for quite some weeks.


Cousin Nelly is a Staffordshire bull terrier and known for enjoying her food. She rolls around in front of Arry’s crate at stupid o’clock in the morning which sets him off barking, meaning that auntie C or uncle J give in and feed them. In the afternoon – well, any time from lunchtime really – she will thunder through the house in search of dinner. Mum has said more than once that she’s like a charging rhino.

Mum took her for a walk in the park a few years ago, which is on the edge of a creek. Nelly sniffed out a rotting crab and let me tell you, when there’s food in the offing she can’t half shift. Said dog managed to eat said crab before mum could drag her away.

End result: Upset stomach and antibiotics for a week.

Wilson standing on fallen tree

Such a handsome fellow


Cousin Art is a Staffie/Labrador cross and prone to having sensitive digestion – he’s the culprit for the latest flooring deposit. This wasn’t the first time though…oh no. He’s got it down to a fine art (hence the name).

Granny and grandad popped in once to check all was well with the dogs while auntie C and uncle J were at work.

All was not well with the dogs.

All was not well with the new carpet either.

Suffice to say that Arty had undergone a bowel misfire on the carpet and the stairs. And the walls. At this point all the humans would like to pay tribute to whoever invented carpet that can be bleached.

End result: Carpet was bleached. Arthur was put on a starvation diet for 24 hours. Granny and grandad were admitted to rehab.


Bertie was mum’s dear old puss, who sadly went OTRB in March 2013, six months before I was born. He was a bit of a geezer in his younger days and would stand his ground with the other cats in the neighbourhood, resulting in a few trips to the vet. One of these was because a large lump appeared on the top of his noggin.

Turned out it was an abscess, which promptly exploded when being examined by the vet.

Bertie seemed much more perky once the pressure had been released, although I don’t think the vet’s bra ever fully recovered from its acquaintance with the pus from the puss.

End result: Happy cat. Trip to M&S for the vet.

Wilson laying in bluebells

A carpet of bluebells – wonder if anyone puked or pooped on these?


Go on, you’re waiting for some disgusting tale from me aren’t you? I’m afraid I have to disappoint. Beyond a few puppy accidents indoors and one episode of the runs (outside I’m pleased to report), I’ve fortunately been in robust health all my life.

End result: Happy mum, happy Wilsy.

Come on folks, share the disgusting deeds from your pets (or yourselves if you dare!). Comment below and give us all a giggle.

All photos by Tracey Rich Photography


  1. July 15, 2018 / 20:52

    I don’t have a story of my own to share that’s pet related but the bare foot on sick reminded me of the time I stood on a slug in my socks. Absolutely vile!

    • Wilson
      July 16, 2018 / 13:38

      Oh. my. god. That’s made mum shudder. A friend of her’s can go one better – she stood on a slug BARE FOOT. Hard to imagine anything quite so disgusting!

  2. Shona Campbell
    July 17, 2018 / 11:09

    Our old springer Sam ate a whole dead pigeon he found on a walk, feathers and all!! We could not get him to let it go. No ill effects, how I don’t know!

    Our collie Becky loves our spare room with the cream carpet when she has a dodgy tummy. Twice it has taken a battering. Can’t really get on to her, she couldn’t help it but why the cream carpet. Aargh!! The hall is laminate and much easier to clean.

    • Wilson
      July 17, 2018 / 21:08

      Hi Shona! Well done Sam and Becky, I say – good skills. My speciality is to barf on the light coloured carpet, rather than (a) the patterned rug which would be not so ‘obvious’ despite cleaning or (b) the carpet right next to the vinyl flooring in the kitchen. Mum has experienced the joy of the carpet-you-can-bleach. Literally pour neat bleach onto it and scrub – as good as new!

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