Let’s get one thing straight. I am a dog.
I’m not a surrogate child. I’m not filling a hole left by an absent human. And I am not a ‘fur baby’.
Some might say I’m a pampered pooch but mum would argue against that. I’m much loved for sure but spoiled, no.
I get taken on some most excellent walks locally and further afield – Scotland, Wales, North Yorkshire, Norfolk, Gloucestershire and Dorset to name a few.
But mum is very clear – I’m a dog, not a child substitute.
So, what are the facts m’Lud?
- Mother is the wrong side of 40 (quite a bit the wrong side, truth be told) and a childless spinster. (Now, doesn’t that make her sound like a catch?!)
- She has never wanted children – her own, adopted, fostered or step.
- Growing up, she never imagined what her wedding dress or future husband would be like, and never had a ‘life plan’ where by XX years she’d be engaged etc. Anyone else find it a bit odd when people admit to that? Why would you judge yourself because you’ve not met The One by 28, or whatever arbitrary age you’ve decided you should reach certain milestones?
- She’s lived on her own (i.e. without another human – she has me now of course, and previously a couple of cats) for 22 years. As a result she has no desire at all to share her living space with something not in possession of four legs and a tail.
- While it’s ‘never say never’ regarding finding a partner, she’s does absolutely zilch in that regard. She finds it a chore to keep up with the emails she already receives, without having to reply to some random fella on Match.com claiming to enjoy going to the theatre and attending Lindy Hop classes.
- She didn’t get me as a substitute child. She got me because she wanted a dog. You can read the full story here.
- She doesn’t take me everywhere – obviously I’m left on my own when she goes to work, but she’ll also happily leave me to meet friends, dine out, go shopping etc. I’m not a cafe dog and I’ve never been to a pub in my life.
- She is looking to change jobs, back to Monday-Friday rather than shifts, but this is in a bid to claw back some quality of life and remind herself what her friends look like, rather than because she can’t bear to leave me on my own for too long.
- To a large extent, I dance to her tune. For example, I don’t have set meal times…breakfast might be at 5:30am, or it might be after I’m back from a walk at 10:30am. Dinner could be 5pm or it might be an hour earlier or two hours later. Same with walks – if it suits her to take me out at lunchtime on a sunny day, then that’s when I walk. She has just bought me a Ruffwear Swamp Cooler jacket though, to help keep my temperature down when the mercury is up, and we stick to shady areas or the Solent.
- Mum would always rather pick up a poo in a bag and carry it for miles than deal with a dirty nappy. Same with vomit – she’ll clear up dog puke without flinching, but human sick is just…awful.
- She has been asked: “Don’t you like children, then?” And her answer is always: “Depends on the child. Would you ask someone if they liked adults?”
- All that aside, she has the utmost respect for anyone who can raise a child to be a decent human being, as she simply wouldn’t have the patience. It was bad enough when I arrived, and I was a pretty decent pup who didn’t eat the furniture!
So, there you have it. I’m a dog, I’m treated like a dog and I act like a dog.
PS: Sorry it this post sounds a bit ranty BOL!